Everyone is allowed a "blue day" right??

Here I sit in a resturant in Steinbach thinking.... Been to see my parents and it's hard watching them both struggle to breath. I watch dad walk from the chair to the window and he's slow and quiet. Mom was sitting in the chair , coughing which she does often, but can't cough at night to get the flem outta her throat so she sits most of the night in a chair. It's sad , and I have to fight tears just thinking about it. If this is what happens when one gets older ......I DON'T WANT TO GET OLDER THEN!!!!

Seems like I spend alot of time wondering how they are doing, if they are getting worse , how many good days do they have??? Or are most of them the same.I wonder will one's heart just say that's enough and poof one of my parents would be gone? I just dread the day I get that phone call.

Seems all I do is work , clean or sleep! I guess in one sense its a good thing, I can't go totally crazy now if I keep myself busy right?? I do feel myself going into my own little world though, I find it to be a safe place, where no one can harm me in any way. I'm trying not to get down, but wow somedays its really hard not to... these days I call my "blue days".

When I go into my "blue day" I just want to give up on everything, I have no energy to even care, I don't feel like being around anyone, its easier to be alone. I don't want pity, cause I don't care to tell anyone what I"m feeling. It's hard to open your heart when you guard it so.You ask ... Am I depressed??? NOPE, just having a "blue day" tomorrow could be a better day!

Depression to me is someone who lives in it everyday all day long, I don't do that. I am usually upbeat and love life , its just not happening at the moment so don't think I"m going crazy yet .....I will be kind enough to tell you when I am !! LOL

Well I guess I need to go get my Grandkids fix ...yup, maybe they will bust a move and get me outta this sad mood I"m in..

Later all , remember I will be fine, Just having a hard day today.